Mélissa – Produced by Health Canada: Canada.ca/Opioids
Narrator:
In Plain Sight is a Health Canada audio series that explores the personal stories of people affected by the opioid crisis.
Every day, approximately 11 people die from opioid overdoses in Canada.
We see this on the news. We know that it’s happening. We know that it’s real. Yet, we tell ourselves that it couldn’t happen to the people we know, the people we work with, the people we love, that it couldn’t happen to us.
The reality is, the opioid crisis is happening right before our eyes, in plain sight, and it can affect anyone. There are thousands of stories waiting to be heard.
This is where Mélissa’s story begins…
Mélissa:
I had a good job as a client care attendant for people, uh … who had terminal bone cancer. I had a great condo, a nice new car, a sports car, Tiburon, manual. My family didn’t think I’d get it, but I got it. It was a point of pride for me. I had lots of good friends, and I used coke occasionally. And my family relationships were going really well.
When I was 14, in high school, I hung out with some guys from Ottawa, and we did speed. When I was 18 I met a guy, a serious relationship that lasted 7 years. We broke up because of cheating, and then I started to work as an escort because it paid well. I started putting ads in the newspaper. I did some porn, and that led me to organized crime. I felt safe with them: if ever anything happened to me, I just had to call them and they’d take care of it.
That’s when one of them moved in with me. I wanted to help him out—little did I know what that would involve. After he OD’d, I saved his life. And by way of thanking me, he paid my rent and introduced me to heroin, which he bought for me. I was 24 years old at that time.
I realized things weren’t right when I was 28. I was doing heroin, crack, speed, oxys and fentanyl. It all fell apart when I lost everything: my boyfriend, my apartment, my friends, my furniture, my clothes and my personal hygiene. I was ashamed of myself. It got to the point where I was squatting in abandoned houses with no heat and no running water. I owed money to the drug dealers and the government.
I defrauded the banks by putting empty envelopes in the ATMs. I had about 20 different credit cards, with limits from $100 to $5,000. I lost my driver’s licence. I now have a criminal record, and as everyone knows, when you have a criminal record you’re stuck with minimum wage jobs for the rest of your life. My car was repossessed by the company because I couldn’t make the payments anymore. I was 28 years old, I went bankrupt, and I was on probation for the next three years.
So here I was at 28, on the street, no housing, tons of debt, no car, tons of family problems. I didn’t know what to do. My instinct went into survival mode. Rule number 1 was using. Every hour, every minute, and every second of the day, I had to get my fix. I’d stay with one person, then another for a few days at a time. Sometimes I had no place to sleep, so I’d sleep on a park bench, in any old park.
I had no hygiene, and I weighed 80 pounds. I’m 5’ 6”, so technically I should weigh 125 pounds. I was literally skin and bones. When I had no money for drugs, I turned to prostitution, or easier yet, I slept with the dealers in exchange for drugs.
Using is truly a demon that thinks for you, acts for you, and controls you in an incredibly cruel way. It literally tears you apart. I used with several people. And people will steal from you, they’ll manipulate you to get your stash. When you live on the street, your life is in constant danger. I got into even more trouble with the law—another probation, for one thing—and had even more family problems.
I lived on the street for three years. After three years, I was literally exhausted, both physically and mentally. In January 2018, I started therapy for the first time in my life at the CRDO [Centre de réadaptation en dépendance de l’Outaouais]. I stayed for two weeks, because I thought I’d be cured when I finished therapy. Therapy is really hard when you’re using. You’re scared, you don’t know what to expect. It’s change, and sometimes you’re not ready to change.
I had relapse after relapse—you always return to your old patterns of consumption. In May 2018, I went back into therapy and successfully completed a 38-day program. You’re safe in therapy. I succeeded and I’m proud of it. You learn a lot of things in therapy, but the most important thing when you come out is how people react when they see you: you’re healthy, you’ve gained weight, you don’t have dark circles under your eyes, it’s all wonderful. I’m fine now, but I relapsed on the 75th day. Why? Because I fell back into my old patterns of consumption.
What I’ve learned about myself is that I’m beautiful, that I can be happy without drugs. I have to think of myself before others. It’s important to talk to someone when things start to go wrong. I got my independence back. Now, at 32, I have my own apartment, I cook for myself, I’m important, and it’s true that sleeping on something often brings a solution. I weigh 115 pounds. I haven’t used in 2 months and 2 days. It’s hard work, but it’s worth it. Being happy and not using is the best gift I could have given myself.
Another thing I learned is that when I was using, I had lots of friends, and now my old friends think I’m boring—and that’s normal, I’m not using anymore. I’ve built a new circle of friends, I have confidence in myself and that’s the important thing. To society, since I have a criminal record, I’m labelled a criminal. People are too quick to judge: when you’re using, people call you all kinds of names—slut, cow, junkie, bitch, etc. Now that I’m sober, people see me as a good person who knows what she’s doing, and also, importantly, a responsible citizen. I also belong to L’Addict, an association for current and former drug users.
I’m leaving on December 30, 2018, for a three-month therapy program in Ottawa, and I’m proud of it. This will be my challenge for 2019. I’d like to say that yes, it’s hard, and no, it’s not easy, but take the time, it’s worth it. I’m doing really well and I want things to get even better. After my three months are up, I’d like to get my driving licence back, finish paying off my debts, and be very happy and especially smiling. Don’t be afraid to ask for help—it’s worth it. Good luck, everyone. My name is Mélissa C.
Narrator:
Problematic opioid use is devastating Canadian lives. The numbers are tragic and staggering. These are the stories behind the numbers. This crisis has a face. It is the face of a friend; a co-worker; a family member. Meeting those eyes, and seeing our own reflection is the first step toward ending the stigma that often prevents people who use drugs from receiving help. To learn more about the opioid crisis, visit Canada.ca/Opioids.
This audio series is a production of Health Canada. The opinions expressed and language used by individuals on this program are those of the individuals and not those of Health Canada. Health Canada has not validated the accuracy of any statements made by the individuals on this program. Reproduction of this material, in whole or in part, for non-commercial purposes is permitted under the standard Terms of Use for Government of Canada digital content.
